I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
