Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
