Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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