My cat gives me a boner
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
