Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
