I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
