So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
