Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
