Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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