This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
These tits shall not be calmed
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
