Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
