I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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