wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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