Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
