dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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