Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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