I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
