We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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