he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Sext me about skeletons
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
