I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
