Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
