i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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