Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
