It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
