You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
