well I can't set my house on fire every night
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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