I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
