Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
