Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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