I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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