ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
