There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
