why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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