Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
