I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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