Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
