Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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