Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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