and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
a search helicopter?!
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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