I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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