this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
