Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
