I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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