where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I think I sprained my soul last night
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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