my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
