Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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