i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
