when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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