I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
