Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
