I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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