First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
