Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I want to make a zoo with you.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
