these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
