My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
