why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
