I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
