yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
