I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
