the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
